Archive | January, 2013

Chris Culliver summoning his inner Kenny Powers

31 Jan

 

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ESPN – San Francisco 49ers cornerback Chris Culliver apologized Wednesday night for anti-gay remarks he made during a Super Bowl media day interview.

The apology came one day after Culliver told a radio host that he would not welcome a gay teammate, particularly in the locker room.

“The derogatory comments I made yesterday were a reflection of thoughts in my head, but they are not how I feel,” Culliver said in a statement released by the team. “It has taken me seeing them in print to realize that they are hurtful and ugly. Those discriminating feelings are truly not in my heart. Further, I apologize to those who I have hurt and offended, and I pledge to learn and grow from this experience.”

 The 49ers said in a statement earlier Wednesday they had addressed Culliver’s comments, but didn’t elaborate on whether the second-year player would face disciplinary action or a fine.

Culliver made his derogatory remarks during an interview Tuesday with comedian and radio personality Artie Lange, who said he was doing a “goofy interview and asking him all sorts of stupid questions” when he asked the cornerback “whether there is any gay guy on the 49ers.”

Culliver, 24, planned to address his remarks formally at a news conference during the 49ers’ media availability Thursday morning, according to his personal public relations representative, Theodore Palmer.

“Chris is very apologetic for any harm caused to anyone,” Palmer told The Associated Press in a phone interview. “His intent was not that at all. He is one who celebrates the differences of others. All of this was just a big mistake. It was interpreted wrong.”

Bro, know your fans. No way around this one.

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The world needs more Lindsay Pulsipher

30 Jan

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On True Blood. On Justified. On my mind 24/7. Southern, white trash hot to a T.

Steven Seagal apparently not Italian at all

24 Jan

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TruTV – It could have been a scene from The Sopranos except that it was for real. It took place on February 2, 2001, and the feds caught it all on audio tape. Two made members of the Mafia and an associate had met to discuss the shakedown of a Hollywood movie star. The actor was a martial artist who specialized in playing tough-guy heroes on the big screen. Throughout his career, the star had made several claims of real-life heroics, including black-ops jobs for the CIA and encounters with organized crime figures around the world. The actor also apparently had a fixation with urban Italian-Americans, claiming at one time to be half-Italian when in reality his mother was Irish and his father Jewish. In one of his films, he played an Italian-American detective with close ties to the old neighborhood and the hoods who infested it. In one scene, the hero sits down for espresso with the local boss, showing him the same respect that any of his soldiers would.

 Perhaps this is why the real mobsters at the wiretapped meeting were having a good chuckle as they recounted a visit that a couple of them had paid on action-star Steven Seagal. On the FBI tape, they say that the tough-guy actor was “petrified.” At this meeting Anthony ‘Sonny’ Ciccone, an alleged capo in New York’s Gambino organized-crime family, and his “right-hand man,” Primo Cassarino, joked with Vincent Nasso about Seagal’s less than heroic reactions to their shakedown attempts. The whole situation brought out the ‘Paulie Walnuts’ in Cassarino. “I wish we had a gun on us,” he says on the tape, “that would have been funny.”

He was referring to a January 2001 meeting between Seagal and the mobsters. Vincent Nasso and his brother Jules, a film producer who had been Seagal’s partner for ten years, met Seagal at a restaurant in Brooklyn. They left that restaurant and reconvened at the landmark steakhouse Gage and Tollner’s, where they were joined by Ciccone and Cassarino.

 

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? This is right up there with Santa not existing. I’ve been living a lie for so many years. I feel dirty. Although I love Eye-tie’s food and women, nothing gives me more pleasure than making fun of their culture, wop, guido culture. Now you gotta go and tell me one of their chief idiots is actually half-Irish? Talk about you’re all time punches to the dick. I love Seagal movies because they are so bad, but then you gotta go and tell me he’s one of my fellow country men? Not so funny anymore. Half as funny. At least I can blame some of it on the kosher part, right?

I know I’m late to the party, but I’m so down with Kyle Richards

23 Jan

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Maybe even 20 years late to the party, but I don’t care: heat is heat, fire is fire, and in the words of Glenn Frey, “The Heat is On.”

Literally just sat down and watched an episode or two of this fiasco of a reality show and this chick is just money. Funny. Just the right amount of bitchy. Not a blonde idiot. Aunt to Paris Hilton. Part Danica Patrick/Part Lisa Ann. Right in my wheelhouse. Everything I’m looking for. I would bare knuckle brawl at least 8 HIV positive hobo’s in a back alley simultaneously to get a weekend at the beach with her. Just laugh, mess around, hit the beach, shit on people, drink, screw around, talk about our very small acting roles, be rich and shit. Literally exactly what I’m looking to do right now. I just have my fingers crossed she’s got a little Lisa Ann in her too besides her looks.

I don’t even care that her name is Kyle either. With a name like that, a niece named Paris, it pretty much I can name our kid anything I want. Oh yes, I plan on knocking this old bird up. At the very least getting to adopt a new baby and most likely use that as my catalyst for divorce  from her once she’s really fading into old age. Half her money, a kid with a cool name like Gannicus or Recondo, and semi E-list status cuz I was her 3rd husband. Check please. I got this.

Her highlight reel below should be backed up by Dreamweaver on repeat. Pants tent city.

BREAKING NEWS: The ILLUSION has quit surfing and I need to meet him ASAP

23 Jan

Drama. Eloquence. Malibu.

Microsoft CEO is ruthless leader that scares the shit out of everyone

22 Jan

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Yahoo! News – There’s no shortage of criticism of Microsoft (MSFT) CEO Steve Ballmer’s leadership style and now one former executive has decided to speak up and take his former boss to task. In an interview withReuters, former Windows sales senior vice president Joachim Kempin described Ballmer as a suffocating presence who is always looking to eliminate perceived threats to his reign as Microsoft’s chief executive.

“When you work that directly with Ballmer and Ballmer believes ‘maybe this guy could someday take over from me’, my God, you will have less air to breathe, that’s what it comes down to,” Kempin toldReuters. “It was Steve’s way or the highway.”

Kempin also described a series of missed opportunities in which Microsoft would talk about the need to extend Windows into the mobile realm but would fail to meaningfully follow up any fresh ideas.

“They missed all the opportunities they were talking about when I was still in the company,” said Kempin, who worked at Microsoft from 1983 to 2002. “Tablets, phones…we had a tablet going, we had tablet software when Windows XP came out, it was never followed up properly.”

Finally, Kempin said that Microsoft’s board needed to take a hard look at whether Ballmer is the right man to lead the company and said that Microsoft could benefit from some young blood taking over to revive the company’s tradition of innovation.

“They need somebody maybe 35-40 years old, a younger person who understands the Facebook generation and this mobile community,” he said. “They don’t need this guy on stage with this fierce, aggressive look, announcing the next version of Windows and thinking he can score with that.”

Let’s not forget, this is also the same man who did this in 2006:

So I think it’s not stretch to believe that this guy just sniffs out people with great ideas, shits on them, forces them out and then rediscovers their ideas years later. That’s some Saddam Hussein shit right there. Firing people on a whim and shit. Let’s face it, really Microsoft has been a step behind everything cool (See: HDDVD’s, tablets, iPhones, etc). I’m just hoping this guy gets exposed for having a tremendous coke problem or something, it would certainly explain all his crazy behavior. Bet his team meetings are like this:

How much you want to bet this is the video Prince Harry watches before missions?

22 Jan

Dude admitted he smoked a shit ton of Taliban. Totally down with that. Just admit you watch this and high five other British dudes before missions. That’s all I’m asking, because if you’re a helicopter pilot, nay, gunner, you have to be watching this video pre-flight. I know I would